Scars
by Black starry dragco
Summary: "Hey? Are you okay?" Concerned voice ringed in my ears as I looked up to see his face. Onyx eyes stared into my eyes. I smiled warily as I responded, "Yes, I am okay. Just thinking. " "Are you sure?" "Yes, Natsu. I am okay" "Lucy..." "Jesus, Natsu. I know you are worried but I promised. Didn't I? "
1. Chapter 1

**_Hi, everyone! I am really sorry for such long delay but I was really busy with my senior year. I finally graduated this summer_** ** _J_** ** _Also I want to let you guys know that I am rewriting everything. Once I finished rewriting them, I will delete them and replace them with new one. That'll be all. Happy reading! Hope you enjoy it._**

 **Summary (Two-shot):** (Lucy's) Experiences on self-harm addiction, cynical mind, and process of healing

 **Warning:** OCC Lucy, Self-harm, suicide-related

 _"Hey? Are you okay?"_

Concerned voice ringed in my ears as I looked up to see his face. Onyx eyes stared into my eyes. I smiled warily as I responded, "Yes, I am okay. Just thinking. "

Unconvinced by my reply, his eyes start to analyzes my appearance. His eyebrows furrowed as he bluntly checking me out in order to make sure that there are no newer scars on my skin.

"Are you sure?"

"Yes, Natsu. I am okay"

" _Lucy..."_

"Jesus, Natsu. I know you are worried but I _promised_. Didn't I? "

Worried look flashed across his face at my mention of that promise. I sighed. I guess that I couldn't blame him for worrying. Who wouldn't if you knew that your best friend is struggling with depression and self-harm? I can still remember how it started like it was yesterday.

It was Saturday morning. I was following my morning route like always. I would wash my face after getting out of my bed. Looking in mirror, brown eyes of my reflection looked dull. I felt so tired. So tired of my father neglecting me. So tired of feeling like crap, no matter what my friends say.

My face didn't look cheerful like I hoped. I managed to hide it for so long. It didn't happened in instant when my mother died. It was slow. Little by little, depression tore me down. I didn't know it was happening until I started to notice that I couldn't do certain things without large amount energy. Things like putting on makeup or getting out of bed. I am still functional in many ways but it is getting harder and harder.

I picked up razor to shave my legs but unfortunately, I wasn't paying attention. I grabbed the wrong edge of razor. It cut my skin. It was paper thin line but deep enough for my thumb to bleed like waterfall. It surprised me and thrills me. There was no pain but intoxicating feeling lingered. I was addicted in seconds. I sent a year, cutting myself. I would spent all night until two clock in morning to spill my blood on bathroom floor. Scars on my arms, stomach, and thighs weren't visible at first but it got worse.

White, thick, uniformed lines were the evidence of my decaying mental health. Nastu was the first one who noticed it. Even though, I wore long selves and leggings. He noticed it.

He would ask me questions such as " What are _you_ doing after home?"

"Are you going to be _alone_?"

"what were you _doing_ when you are in bathroom?"

"Did you _cut_ yourself?"

" _Why_ did you do it?"

" _Please Lucy. Tell me. Tell me_ "

His voice was so desperate and tired. So I promised him that I would never do it again but that doesn't mean I got better in instant. I struggled for days before I entered this hellish cycle of loving and hating Natsu. He was amazing friend but I want to push him away. I know if I continue to self-harm or even try to kill myself, whatever the results were will affect them.

I hated it.

I want to die so badly but I know that it won't solve anything.

 _I know that._

All I can do was to watch my friends move on as I decay into the husk of nothingness.

I resent them for it.

How can I move on when I feel like my feet had been frozen to this spot?


	2. Chapter 2

Hi! Here is second part of Two-shot. I hope you enjoy it. Ps. It will be longer than last one. :)

 **Summary (Two-shot):** (Lucy's) Experiences on self-harm addiction, cynical mind, and process of healing

 **Warning:** OCC Lucy, Self-harm, suicide-related

 _Today was my last chance._

I had decided that it was time to face him. My golden hair lightly brushed by wind as I walked down the decorated, white halls. Just looking at these walls make me sick. It just reminds me of my childhood. Horrible childhood. Nothing but endless abuse and negligence from my own father. Memories flashed through my mind as I reached the end of hall. Large, golden doors stood proudly front of me, representing his wealth.

I may be hopeless in some cases but I have to do this for my friends. I can't let all of their efforts end in vain. I may think it's all over and impossible to be saved. However, I think It will be the best thing I can do for them.

It is to try.

Try to live for them.

I went to therapy, doctors, and took medicines. They weren't working at all. It was never enough for some reasons. This is my last chance. I believe if I faced him and cut him out of my life, I will be able to move on.

I take a deep breath before pushing the golden doors open.

It was dark. There was nothing but a small light from desk lamp. I can hear the flutter of his paperwork as his face gloomed by light. He was clearly focused on the work. His wrinkled, worn down face moved up to see who intruded his office. As he realized that it was me who just entered the room, the rage filled his eyes. I subtly stepped back in order to defense myself from him.

"What the fuck are you doing here?"

I flinched at his harsh tone. The words caught in my throat. His ice, cold eyes staring at me as I barely managed to choked the words out.

"Father…."

His eyes blazed in fury which I am too familiar with. For second, I felt myself freeze up. But nevertheless, I forced myself to continue.

"Father…There is something I want to say."

"What the fuck do you want? Money?" He sneered.

I was trembling in fear but I couldn't let him win like he always does. I quietly went through all words that I want to say in my mind. I shut my eyes for moment. Then I open them to see him getting up from his desk. I breath in and out.

"Father. I am done with you. I am not going let you do this anymore."

He slightly scoffed as he got closer to me.

"What did you say? Done with me? Is that what you just said?"

I once again took a breath before replying.

"Yes, father. I am leaving you."

Then suddenly, he burst out laughing. My heart started to hammering.

"You wouldn't last a day without me. You are nothing but a little brat who thinks that she can do anything by herself. You are useless without me. You will marry and bear heir for my company…. And…"

He stepped closer to me as he laughed before eerily rasped out, " _You are mine to own."_

The chilling feeling steeped into my skin. My eyes widen in the fear. The fight and flight started to kick in. I instantly grabbed the whatever was next to me. It was a fancy, old fashioned pen. Griping it tightly as I moved near the golden doors in case that I needed to escape. I was terrified. So I have to do what it takes to get away from him.

I gasped out, "I..I am not your tool to own."

His eyes gleamed as he gave me demented smile.

"Oh…? Very well. If you think that you are so capable then get out. You can go to do whatever you want. But I am not going to help you or save you. You can die in streets for all I care. Unless if you want to come back like you will do so, you will marry your suitor and do whatever I tell you to do. Just like little bitch you are. "

He finally took step back but I couldn't take it anymore. I bolted out the room. I didn't care about my things or my mother's things. I just hold on to that pen like my life is on line. I ran, ran and ran. I was out of my house onto the streets. Every steps I take; I was farther than before from that place.

Not even once that I looked back.

Why would I want to?

I am never going back to him.

That is _the promise._

Breathing heavily, I find myself front of Natsu's house. Red door never looked more heavenly to me. This is my way out.

I knocked as I began to prepare myself.

 _Click, creeek_

I perked up at the sound of lock unlocking. Revealing pink-haired teenager, rubbing his own eyes as he looked at me worriedly.

"Lucy? What's matter?"

I started to teared up while I tackled him in hug. Making him stumbled back in surprise, wrapping his arms around me. Hugging me tightly as I cried in his arms. I don't remember how long I cried but he brought me in. Whispering promises into my hair, my tears finally dried.

"Hey, Lucy?"

"Yeah?"

"Do you wanna watch a movie with me? I will put on anything you like. "

"Yeah, I would like that."

"Okay, I will get you a change of clothes and we will watch movies all night if you want."

"Okay..."

"Lucy, you are my best friend and I will always be there for you. I love you, do you know that?"

"Yeah, I love you too."

Natsu pulled back from the hug. My eyes found mine as he smiled gently. His right hand touched my cheek. He wiped remaining tears off my face. His other hand tangled it's fingers into my hair. He kissed my forehead then lean his forehead on mine. His smile got bigger as he maintains his stare.

"Lushiii, I looovvee yooooouuu." He dragged out.

I burst out giggling while he looked so ridiculous. I don't know if it was possible that his smile gotten bigger but I felt so light right now. We got in our pajamas. Put on the movie as we snuggled under blanket. We watched movies all night. I was so happy.

I may not get better in instant but at least, I finally cut that asshole out of my life. That is one step forward to be happy and healthy person. I have Natsu by my side. I have people who care about me. I will make it with them.

After all, because of them, I can see that one small part of my future.

* * *

 _Epilogue_

 _"Wow, Lucy! I can't believe that you are famous author right now!" Levy exclaimed_

 _"I know right? I can't believe it." I squealed._

 _"Well, I can believe it." Voice added, startling us a bit._

 _"*Gasp* Natsu! Don't startle me like that." Levy scolded._

 _"Oh, Don't be complaining about that. I'm telling ya that she is always good writer. How could she not be famous?"_

 _"That's because you will beat them up if they said otherwise."_


End file.
